How to Get Through the Loss of an Adoption

Dfw adoption

Adopting a baby can be an amazing experience. There are a lot of things that have to be done such as adoption home study, background checks, etc. but it is all worth it in the end once you have that child in your home. However, sometimes things don’t work out as planned and the adoption falls through. You could go through the entire process of the adoption home study and the rest of it and still end up with no child. This could be due to a fault in the process or the birth mother changing her mind and keeping her child. Unfortunately, this is more common than we would like to think and it can be difficult to get through. Hopefully these following tips will be helpful to you in getting through the adoption that never quite happened.

Take it day by day
No one expects you to be able to pick yourself up and move on immediately. After the whole process of the adoption home study and the rest of it, you are probably exhausted. There needs to be a time of mourning and even grieving. Even if the child did not pass away, it can sometimes feel like that for the would-be adoptive parents. In the first few days after finding out from the adoption program that it is not going to happen you will need to take it day by day and sometimes hour by hour. It’s not going to be an easy process because it is, in a sense, the loss of a child. Especially if you were almost guaranteed that you were going to be going home with the baby or child, it can be a huge emotional roller coaster when you find out that the opposite is true. Focus on your daily tasks instead of trying to plan for the future. Planning for the future can only make you sadder because it does not include the child but focusing on your goals for the present day make it a lot easier to pass the time until you begin to heal.

You decide when you want to talk about it
Everyone is different. Some people need to talk and express their sadness and grief where as others prefer to deal with it alone or with their spouse. Neither form is incorrect or better than the other, it just depends on your personality and how you deal with disappointment. If you would rather not discuss this with family and friends then don’t feel bad letting them know that you need time before you can talk about it. Sometimes, well meaning people will try to pry open the door to conversation. This is because this is how they deal with disappointment and think it will be helpful to you.

Join a support group
And during a failed adoption can leave you feeling depressed and lonely. However, you were not the only person who has gone through the adoption home study and entire process only to be denied a child. There are whole groups of people who have been in your shoes. The nice thing about going to the support groups is that everybody there has been through the same thing and can support one another and respect the grieving process. You will not be forced to share although it is probably encouraged, but if you prefer you can simply sit and listen to others talk about what they are going through and that alone will help you realize that you were not alone.

Never give up hope
You may feel like you never want to try and adopt again because you never want to go through this again. However, don’t give up hope.As difficult as this may be to believe, you aren’t always going to feel like this and you may regret never trying again later on down the line. If you aren’t ready to try and adopt again, there is nothing wrong with that but don’t shut the door to it completely. For now you can focus on what you do have instead of what you don’t, such as your partner and family and home. Failed adoptions actually really strengthen your relationship with your partner as you both endure this together.

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